EPISODE #4: SOLVING FOR JOY

“Hello, and welcome back. I wanted to take a quick second to say happy birthday to my dad. I know for sure that he doesn’t know what a podcast is, so he’s probably not listening. But why not take a second to say happy birthday anyway. You know, I just love birthdays. How about you? There’s something about birthdays that are just really special. 

We are taking the chance to just say we celebrate you. I’m so thankful you’re here. That’s what I see when I celebrate birthdays. 

You know, one year I was living in Hollywood, and I had a masquerade party for my birthday. I think it was my 25th birthday. I have a friend who was a club promoter at the time. He decided we were going to go all out for my 25th birthday. So, I was on a flyer y’all! I was giving it out to my friends. They were on a special list to get into a special section of the club. It felt really bougie and I was here for it. 

I’m on a flyer. People are seeing me all around town. My friends made a custom dress for me. I had somebody pay for me to get my hair and my nails done. And we showed up. To this masquerade party and went all out. It was so fabulous. So fun. It was amazing.

But that was nothing compared to some of these birthday parties I’ve been going to for little kids. I have been going to birthday parties for one- and two-year-olds. That have custom cakes and balloon arches. They have dance floors. They have party planners. Like, who needs a party planner for your two-year-old’s birthday?

I don’t know, maybe the one lady who hired princesses and had a unicorn. She literally — She literally hired princesses to walk a unicorn around her two-year-old baby girl’s birthday party. All of the little kids were having a great time. They’re riding around on this unicorn, and they thought it was fabulous. 

But let me tell you in three weeks, they will not remember that they have written on a unicorn. 

The whole party was not for the little kids’ enjoyment. The little kids. They enjoyed it thoroughly. But I can guarantee you my six-year-old does not remember meeting a princess and a unicorn. That was completely for the mom.

Or so I thought. Cause then I saw all of the pictures that she posted on Instagram.

The party that she threw for her two-year-old wasn’t even for her. It was for all of her followers; people she wanted to see how wonderful her life is. How sad is that? For a birthday party? Your birthday party is a show for somebody else? It’s not even for you? That is just so sad.

And I know you’re saying. I’m sorry, you called this podcast solving for joy. Why are we talking about being sad?

We’re talking about solving for joy. Because money touches so many areas of her life. Sure, we can rent a unicorn, but if all that bedazzled pony does is cause you to compare yourself to someone else it is stealing more than it is giving. 

Have you ever heard someone say comparison is the thief of joy? Unfortunately. Instagram makes everyone the Joneses, and we are constantly comparing ourselves to others.

And the crazy part is. The people that we’re seeing – they can look like they have it all together, but do they? We don’t know. The Joneses used to me the couple down the street. They used to have the perfectly manicured lawn, the white picket fence. They had everything. They were the house, your kids wanted to hang out in. You wanted to go have pool parties there in the summer. They were everything.

And if you weren’t careful, you’d spend a whole lot of time thinking about what they have. Coveting what they have. Being envious of what they have. And the whole time they’re sitting there crying their eyes out at night because they don’t know how they’re going to pay their water bill. You don’t truly know their situation.

But what you do know is your situation and that is all you can control. And this is how we’re going to solve for joy.

What you focus on will grow. Where’s your focus?

You may be going. I don’t know… Where am I supposed to be focusing? If you listened to episode one, you should have already taken some time to figure out what your goals are for 2023, and figure out where you’re starting the year from.

Those two pieces of information to mind, let’s focus on being grateful for where we’re starting.

Now I know we’re talking about joy. Right. Joy is a peace in your heart. Joy is more than a happiness because happiness is fleeting. Joy is… it’s kind of permanent. And we can put this in place for ourselves by focusing on what we have around us. What we are grateful for.

You cannot be covetous and grateful at the same time. You can change that word to envious and grateful. Jealous, and grateful. You can’t hold both of these feelings in your brain the same time.

When we talk about coveting, when you want what that other person has, that comes from comparison. You can’t want what they have if you’re not comparing yourself to them.

I’m going to give you a challenge that for the next 21 days, some studies say it takes 21 days to make a habit. I think it takes up to 90, but we’re going to go with 21 for this challenge. I challenge you for the next 21 days to either start your morning or end your night writing down five things you were grateful for.

You cannot repeat them. So don’t write down “my kids” every day. Yes, you can be grateful for your kids. And I think you should look back over everything that you have to be grateful for. But don’t repeat. Find more and more and more things to be grateful for.

I really liked doing this with my kids because they come up with some really awesome things to be grateful for. One of my favorite things that I’m grateful for is my warm and cozy bed. My kids say, thank you for their beds. They say, thank you for the games we play. They even say, thank you for the trashcan. It can be anything. What are you grateful for? Write it down.

The next thing I want you to focus on is your goal. What are your next steps? Now your next steps could be. Anything from selling stuff to having a side gig. A part-time job. Pizza delivery. You know, pizza delivery, you can make $1,500 a month just delivering pizzas on nights and weekends.

Maybe your next step is setting up a retirement account or getting a trustworthy team around you. Maybe it’s getting on the same page with your spouse. If you can reach these next steps in your goal, how joyous is that going to feel?

What you choose to focus on is going to grow. So, choose to stop comparing and coveting. Choose to be grateful. Focus on you and focus on your family. This is how we solve for joy.

I hope you were having a very joyful January. If not, I hope it turns into one. I’ll talk with you again next time. Buh bye.”